Hormones, Stupid Hormones

These hormones play a crucial part  in ones well being. These are not in control of oneself. You never know how they might surprise/angry/sad/excite you.

I fear the hormones. You would have no idea how they can  play you. Sometimes you do not want to show your desire for a person you like or get attracted to or have a crush on, but you cant escape from the clutches of hormones. You find it impossible to over power it. The ones responsible to make you sad or the endorphins that make you feel good, sometimes you can't control them and you are bound to show their symptons.

How much you try, if they act strong; a tear will roll down your cheeks doesn’t matter how much you control or a smile would stretch to both sides of ear no matter you try to hide the laugh inside. And most importantly the sexual desire. For a boy its really awkward when he gets a boner by just thinking about the one he is sexually attracted to in a place-not suppose to, like any public place or church(#confession of a teenager)You might think- in church! whoa, that's sick. I know it is weird but you can't help it when you are so much deeply in sexual love (lust is a derogatory term so I would not use that) with someone. Same happens for a girl. They take time but once a girl is aroused, it's like her body is over flowing with energies and she needs to invest it in something to attain equilibrium.

The oxytocins, prolactins, endorphins, estrogens, dopamines and many more to deal with; meh! stupid hormones, their names even doesn't make sense. I am not a bio student so I am not good at names or their functions nor I believe in to google about it and post in my blog. Yeah, one thing I am sure of is at the end of the day it's not in your hands. Just pray they(hormones) don't make you that predictable.

The QUOTA

Just got a call from my sister. She was mad, like real mad. She wants to get into fashion but you know the traditional orthodox parents of mine want her to get into a career with less risks like for example doctor. She is least interested in it I can tell but she has been groomed in such a way, she has accepted that she too wants to become a doctor. Not a new thing; most of the children in India do that- believing and accepting to do what their parents want to do and forget what their inner self strives for.

She is a very talented person. She writes, paints, designs and what not. She is confused what to do next and that is ok as every child at her age is in that phase. She wants to write a novel, she wants to become a fashion designer, she wants to be a painter and she wants to be a doctor too! That’s crazy I know but the environment has molded her wants that she could not distinguish between hers  and others desire of her future. Hence she forcibly made her parents wish as her duty to fulfill.

Well this was supposed to be about the call and not what happens in typical Indian families. Hehe. So I got a call from her in the morning. It was unusual because we don’t talk much. Its not that we aint close, we discuss more than what sisters do. It’s just I am not that a talking person. I believe in talking when it's really needed to discussed. Gone are those days where I talked for hours in vain.

She called me cause she was upset. I was happy that she called me. Anybody would have been. We all know that if somebody is calling when he is upset then the person to whom the call goes is very close.  So why was she upset? The reason is funny and grave at the same time. As I already said she wanted to step into the fashion world so I advised her to fill the form of NIFT. She did. She appeared for the exam too. She dint get into. She was sad. But my parents were successful in proving that this was not something she wanted to be in her life so instead of being sad start preparing vigorously for MBBS.

She wasn’t upset today that she dint get into. She was upset because a friend of her securing six marks less got the admission. She was shocked and surprised and angry. This is not fair. We all would agree. She could not be less happy for her friend but I could feel the frustration in her voice. She was mad, mad at the government and its stupid policies and reservations. When you are treating every individual equal then why the reservations?

people deserving seats were left and the ones with less qualification/merit gets the spot.

Our family did not believe in caste system hence we don’t have our surnames suffixed to our names. You have no idea what we have gone through because of our names, officially and unofficially! We get different response like, some make fun, some get surprised, some praise, some laugh at, some doubt, some judge and the list goes on…

We are Brahmins and we are paying heavily for that. I am talking in the context of reservation of seats, may it be parliament, government jobs, school and college seats competitions etc. Any person who falls in the general category could relate. Neither I am against any particular caste nor I am in favor of any caste, its just if government wants to treat every one as equal it should do so. Can't the government see that by reserving seats the less qualified ones takes the place of those who actually deserved it.

Let Me Be Free

He is sick of the world: sick of the people who are living a lie every second. He has a great life; he is handsome, has a five figure salary, a beautiful girl who loves him, great friends, understanding family. But he is not at peace. He is loved and respected. He is satisfied on the upper skin and weary inside. He wanted to be with the one he loved. But the orthodox society did not allow that.

He did not love the girl of his life. He loved his best friend. He was sick of pretending to be happy when he is not. He does not want to live a lie. He wants to be free. He is smart. Yet he is standing on the brink of a cliff; wondering what his mistake was. Why the world can’t accept him the way he is. What is wrong if he loves his best friend? What is wrong if he loves a guy?

He is gay. He has not chosen this life. It was born with him. It was not his decision to be like that. Why normal people see him with disrespect? Why the ones who feel attracted to the opposite sex are considered normal? I am a human too, he thought, I am not disobeying any law. In other part of world his love was in the same situation too. He might also be standing somewhere on the mountain edge ready to take one more leap and end the life of contempt.

May be a single step further would let him be free.

A jump will break the shackles of misery.

Bad,What is BAD?

Every day, a lot of questions spring on my mind. Many whys and why nots play around.

"Why People get attracted to the bad"- is one of them. Or i can frame it like- why i am attracted to the bad (too). What is so called 'bad'? Who defines it? What does that mean? Is it justifiable to categorize something good or bad?

We live a normal life. We sleep, wake up, eat, work, communicate then sleep. Also do a lot of other things, what a normal person does. But things become different when we push our limits. If someone's act crosses the limit then he has done something bad. May be in a way that is true. But life is worth full when we play at our very limits. It is risky and fun.The boundaries are delicate and beautifully designed. you have to push the limits carefully not crossing the boundaries.

This is not easy to do. And hence those who manage to do it become bad and those who want to do it get attracted to them. It's a simple magnet that draws for the fun missed. 

Be HONEST, It’s Fun.

I was living a lie, afraid to show to the world the real me. I was afraid what if I would not be accepted as I am in this society. So I always carried pretense so that I can project a good person who would be loved by all. And it worked. But then I realized it is on false impression. I had no idea what I was doing. I had no idea what is good! Because for every person the definition of ‘good’ changes and henceforth I got to learn one cannot live a life impressing others. Even if you are flawless they would dig you and find a matter to scorn you or mock at you. They are always ready with an excuse to prove how much wrong you are.

I was tired of the society and its false impressions! I could not tell the exact incident or date when I slowly began to be honest to the harsh world. Though I was always honest to myself and my close ones which would include my good buddies and family. But then I began to be honest to whomsoever I talk to. The funny part is even if I am completely honest they find it hard to believe; not because they don’t trust the story but because they know no one can be so honest to brutally expose oneself.

I learned a lot. Being an open book I made people leave my side because they could not get their idle friend in me. Normally people do not accept the ‘wrong’ things one does, which I clearly did! But the one who understood were at my side forever. I got to know who my real friends are and how supportive one’s family can be. I wondered why I tried so hard to impress others when I was a kid. Then I realized I was a kid. Now I am not. I know how much to be frank with someone.

Nobody is honest anymore and people are afraid of it (like I was). Try to be honest and get the response of the world. It’s fun!