Bitter PAST

A friend of mine suddenly asked me that why do I write such post and blogs? Do you know it gives a negative impact, he said. Really? I never thought so. You most of the times rant about how you were wronged or you complain to the society. So? I wasn’t scared of what people might think of me. And I have full right to rant or complain or blabber or simply write. You don't like don't read. Yes I am rude. But rudeness come with boldness.

11 things that made me feel Better!

It feels good when some of the unexpected things happen; like

1. A person you just met once remembers your name when you thought he might have forgotten.
2. When you want the person you like or have crush on, to wish you on your bday but you know he would never remember and surprisingly he wishes you first.
3. When after a fight with your boy friend you get an ice cream cone or chocolate bar even if you aren’t talking to each other.
4. A surprise visit of your dad living miles away from you.
5. Your crush texts you when he is drunk saying you are the one he wants to talk to.
6. Your roommate cooks a meal for you when she knows you don’t eat the dish prepared in the hostel kitchen.
7. You get a cute little gift from someone who went for vacation.
8. A hug from your sister when you cry like a baby.
9. A friend who makes you feel worthy when you feel like a loser.
10. A smile, genuine smile from a person in the street.
11. Someone out of blue unknowingly helped you out in taking a decision.

Ps- you can always add more.

Ache inside my HEART

I had to meet you, tell you how amazing you are

I would come up to you, crossing the borders        

See you smile after we are apart

Somebody should have warned me

About the ache, that’s inside my heart.

Last wave I needed, from you

When you were leaving the country

And me alone, with the stars

That we used to gaze on the roof

Cuddling in each other’s arms.

I know it’s difficult, I’ve to pull up 

Myself from this never healing wound.

I wanna go back to the start!

But I wish good luck, fly up so high

No one could touch and cause harm.

It’s sad that we ended up like this

Situations tore us apart.

Somebody should have warned me

About the ache, that’s inside my heart.

I had no idea this would be so hard!

Hormones, Stupid Hormones

These hormones play a crucial part  in ones well being. These are not in control of oneself. You never know how they might surprise/angry/sad/excite you.

I fear the hormones. You would have no idea how they can  play you. Sometimes you do not want to show your desire for a person you like or get attracted to or have a crush on, but you cant escape from the clutches of hormones. You find it impossible to over power it. The ones responsible to make you sad or the endorphins that make you feel good, sometimes you can't control them and you are bound to show their symptons.

How much you try, if they act strong; a tear will roll down your cheeks doesn’t matter how much you control or a smile would stretch to both sides of ear no matter you try to hide the laugh inside. And most importantly the sexual desire. For a boy its really awkward when he gets a boner by just thinking about the one he is sexually attracted to in a place-not suppose to, like any public place or church(#confession of a teenager)You might think- in church! whoa, that's sick. I know it is weird but you can't help it when you are so much deeply in sexual love (lust is a derogatory term so I would not use that) with someone. Same happens for a girl. They take time but once a girl is aroused, it's like her body is over flowing with energies and she needs to invest it in something to attain equilibrium.

The oxytocins, prolactins, endorphins, estrogens, dopamines and many more to deal with; meh! stupid hormones, their names even doesn't make sense. I am not a bio student so I am not good at names or their functions nor I believe in to google about it and post in my blog. Yeah, one thing I am sure of is at the end of the day it's not in your hands. Just pray they(hormones) don't make you that predictable.

The QUOTA

Just got a call from my sister. She was mad, like real mad. She wants to get into fashion but you know the traditional orthodox parents of mine want her to get into a career with less risks like for example doctor. She is least interested in it I can tell but she has been groomed in such a way, she has accepted that she too wants to become a doctor. Not a new thing; most of the children in India do that- believing and accepting to do what their parents want to do and forget what their inner self strives for.

She is a very talented person. She writes, paints, designs and what not. She is confused what to do next and that is ok as every child at her age is in that phase. She wants to write a novel, she wants to become a fashion designer, she wants to be a painter and she wants to be a doctor too! That’s crazy I know but the environment has molded her wants that she could not distinguish between hers  and others desire of her future. Hence she forcibly made her parents wish as her duty to fulfill.

Well this was supposed to be about the call and not what happens in typical Indian families. Hehe. So I got a call from her in the morning. It was unusual because we don’t talk much. Its not that we aint close, we discuss more than what sisters do. It’s just I am not that a talking person. I believe in talking when it's really needed to discussed. Gone are those days where I talked for hours in vain.

She called me cause she was upset. I was happy that she called me. Anybody would have been. We all know that if somebody is calling when he is upset then the person to whom the call goes is very close.  So why was she upset? The reason is funny and grave at the same time. As I already said she wanted to step into the fashion world so I advised her to fill the form of NIFT. She did. She appeared for the exam too. She dint get into. She was sad. But my parents were successful in proving that this was not something she wanted to be in her life so instead of being sad start preparing vigorously for MBBS.

She wasn’t upset today that she dint get into. She was upset because a friend of her securing six marks less got the admission. She was shocked and surprised and angry. This is not fair. We all would agree. She could not be less happy for her friend but I could feel the frustration in her voice. She was mad, mad at the government and its stupid policies and reservations. When you are treating every individual equal then why the reservations?

people deserving seats were left and the ones with less qualification/merit gets the spot.

Our family did not believe in caste system hence we don’t have our surnames suffixed to our names. You have no idea what we have gone through because of our names, officially and unofficially! We get different response like, some make fun, some get surprised, some praise, some laugh at, some doubt, some judge and the list goes on…

We are Brahmins and we are paying heavily for that. I am talking in the context of reservation of seats, may it be parliament, government jobs, school and college seats competitions etc. Any person who falls in the general category could relate. Neither I am against any particular caste nor I am in favor of any caste, its just if government wants to treat every one as equal it should do so. Can't the government see that by reserving seats the less qualified ones takes the place of those who actually deserved it.