Bitter PAST

A friend of mine suddenly asked me that why do I write such post and blogs? Do you know it gives a negative impact, he said. Really? I never thought so. You most of the times rant about how you were wronged or you complain to the society. So? I wasn’t scared of what people might think of me. And I have full right to rant or complain or blabber or simply write. You don't like don't read. Yes I am rude. But rudeness come with boldness.



But that wasn’t the point. Was I really throwing out negativity? I wanted a change. I wanted to be full of positive well being. The air around you reflects how are you. My words reflects about me. What made me turn out to be the opposite? Coz enough of negativity i have had in my life.

The accident turned my life upside down. Was I the result of the accident? I thought I had become a better person cause whenever I was overboard God gave me a blow and thrashed me to the ground! I have felt that.

My face was smashed. My eye lid was torn, my nose was crushed and my cheek was tore half way to ear along my lips. I could not recognize myself. It was stitched in such a way that I was not allowed to smile or talk or cry.

This was the biggest blow to me. I lost my face, my job, and a whole valuable year of my life, a blow to my career as well.

In short I was lost. I was dying inside. People say time heals, I was waiting for my time to come and in my case it was running slow. Real slow. Nothing out of context was undone. I have tried stupid to deadliest acts! I was suicidal, crazy, scared, paranoid, lost. I was a like a little child thrown into a prison cell full of gangsters.

I cried. I cried for days and night. My mom was scared coz she felt I would die crying. I was in pain. I was crying blood. I was not allowed to smile. Smiling was painful. I was not able to move my own. I felt handicapped for days. But No, I am not talking about the pain I had whenever I moved any muscle of my body. I am talking about the pain in my heart, the agony I was living.

I felt alone even though I had support. I had no clue what should I do. I considered a lot of options. Dying was the easiest but I did not die. Second easy option was to runaway but I did not run away too. I dealt with the situation. I am still dealing. What is lost is near to impossible to recover but I will not mourn. And how much bad my accident was I know it could have been worse. I might have been dead.

So I realized I got a life. I took born from the wombs of nature. Fresh and raw. You think I am rude. Well I don't care what you think. My thoughts negate you in any way? Who gives a damn. Check yourself it is overflowing from you. I am not here to take any judgments. I am not judging you too.

I went through all of my posts to check whether he was right. Guess what I could not find anything so called "negativity" according to him. Well You say I complain. Okay. Who doesn't? I never complained to you as specifically. I have been silent and accepted everything that came to me as if it was meant for me. That "me" died. Remember? So Please no judgments are welcomed.

I know you said me as a well wisher. I appreciate that. A lot as a matter of fact. I like that you still love me.I like you care for me. And I have always welcome advices. But advices are suppose to be given and not imposed.

Keep loving me.