A Loner

He was a loner, scared to trust another soul. He has been loved, hated, trusted, heart-broken, ditched, played, mocked. He found pain in love. His mother’s love was poisoned, brother’s love was bitter, father’s love was green, sister’s love was lost and friends’ love was a show. He was not sure whom to talk and what to talk. His lips were dried of words. He never smiled but laughed at everything in life. He did not know how to cry because he never got a shoulder to lean. He could not understand the difference between sympathy and empathy.

He was vulnerable inside but strong to the world. He showed nothing could affect him and no one could hurt him anymore. Even though everything mattered to him, he showed he did not give a damn. He learned to love himself more than anything exists in this beautiful earth. In the process he had not realized the people who cared for him.

He found self love was free from the corrosions of any relationship. But slowly that same love changed to ego. It clouded his judgements. He could not decide what made him happy. Doing something for another human was not acceptable to him because his self-love turned ego stopped him. It developed a barrier that prevented him to love, care, trust and share with a person.

He realised his love for him separated him from the ones whom he wanted the most in his life. He was helpless. He lied to ones he should not. He wanted to break free but the demon of his ego shackled him wrecking his heart every time he needed love. He went to rivers, mountains, seas, trips to every corner of the world to find peace. But the fact that his demon had overpowered the soft soul he lived haunted him.

Now he is a loner again scared to breathe in a room full of humans.