You Gonna MISS Me

College Diaries:
From a Journal of a Teenager #1

It is sad when I think about the time I had spent painting a picture of our future. I thought we could be together. I thought you understood my every talks, I did not have to pretend. It was the same for you, I know. I could tell the very first day you fell for me. But you are so egoistic to accept that.

You know I am the only person who can understand you but you are too stubborn to acknowledge that! You did not care for a girl who genuinely had feelings for you. Hah, what you thought I would not get a man to love me! Or I could not get into a stable relationship? Boy, I chose you over 5 fucking million people. But you do not deserve it.

Sweetheart , you gonna miss me; miss me real bad. But let me tell you, I have moved on. Gone are the days when I wait for your text messages. I am fed up off your stupid beliefs. Like for instance you think by just having degree from a good university make you a deserving candidate to marry! OMG are you really serious? In which world are you living? Just look at the mirror once. Anyway I am not judging your looks, I really felt you are good at heart but  You are a pathetic self-centred egoistic creep who is worried about his life and nothing else; not even his family and friends.

You are fucked up. And I am sorry to say but you are a loser.

I wish I could curse you on your face but baby you gonna miss my dirty words too.

Cya diary!

Another cup of coffee!

“How can one not drink coffee? I mean, it’s just a coffee!!!” this is what I said when he ordered an iced tea showing dislike towards coffee. I was in the coffee shop with a man who does not like coffee. He was surprised by my love for it.  He was staring at me while I was busy sipping the hot black liquid; and he wondered how a person is so crazy about it. May be I am going overboard but please don’t judge my love for coffee. I will be happy to be with a man who would take me on date to a coffee shop rather than taking me to boring dark movie halls or big fat places to dine, where people eat less and show more.

We were meeting for the first time and instead of going for an expensive meal at a fancy restaurant, which he suggested, it was my idea for the place, Coffee shop; a place where you can sit for hours indulging into the taste and aroma of cafe with the choco-chip muffins.  I was completely into the mug i was holding, activating  each neuron of my brain, refreshing all the senses when he abruptly asked, ‘so, what you think?’ I was blank. I had no idea what he was talking about. I can’t even recollect what his name was! Suddenly I came back to the chair where I was sitting, realizing I am on a date arranged by my parents .

Oh yes, you heard it right. Even in the 21^st century, thinking I have the coolest parents of all, I was on a date with a stranger who might be my husband one day. I don’t blame them, at least they gave me an option for me to spend time with him and accordingly decide!

“Well, let’s talk about each other, later I would tell what I think about it”

‘’Okay, what you wanna know”

“What you want to share”, I smirked!

“That’s funny coz we're strangers, I don’t understand what to say, I know you are in the same position, that is why telling me to start”, he stared at me smiling.

It burst me into a big laugh. He was right. Any way, this how our conversation started. We talked.

He was cute, charming, smart; I could tell. After a chat of two hours he asked again, “So, tell me now”

“Tell you what?

“What you think?”

“About what”

“We meeting coz of our parents”

I smiled, put the last piece of brownie from my plate and said, ”Will tell you when we meet for another cup of coffee ”

Watching the world end

Last night you said ‘I love you’

You were with me and I was with you;

The story of us seemed as a fairy tale.

Sun rays tearing the dark,

I wish I could go 2 years back!

Why  the night has to end?

In a Long shirt and morning air,

Holding the Coffee mug with messy hair;

I looked outside the window pane.

Thinking of us, thinking of ME!

So selfish, how can I be?

Then on my face fell a few drops of rain.

Hey baby, Pull me back to our realm

I just don’t wanna break this dream.

Wrap me in your arms and kiss.

I like the feel of your touch.

I know you love me very much.

Your heart is the place where I belong.

Cause I wanna dance, I wanna die

And you are the one who lets me fly.

The world knows we don’t care.

So here,  we lie, under the sheets

Saying good bye, humming to our heart beats

Now we are alive: Watching the world end.

Angel for the Demon

Roaming aimlessly in the busy platform he wonders, “From whom am I running away!” He is young full of life; a programmer,  a drinker, a smoker, a lover! Unsure of what he is doing in life. He wonders people want them to be loved then why being loved for him is not enough. Isn’t he normal? He loves the way she loved him still he feels terrified! Even though he knows her love is true he pushes her away, then again comes back to her.  He wants to run away from life and Live in the insanity of her love. He is vulnerable, knows no one else would love him like she did but does not want to keep her nor want to lose her. His dilemma is not her but his own feelings. She is the one to whom he comes when he runs away from her. She understands! She resists, she accepts: A divine beauty.
She keeps on loving.

Then he turned and saw someone smiling, she is the one, a perfect angel. I need her, he acknowledged! She knew what was happening. She always knows. When he reached to her, she hugged and said -

 “let me love you, show you light, 

   you can choose what is right!” 

That someone!

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”
― Bob Marley

ps- I loved it so much that i could not stop sharing it. (plus i had not blogged since weeks!)