Don't hold Back

I was a cry baby. I still am. I don’t understand why the act of crying is so infamous. People consider it as a sign of weakness. And the most bullshit statement I have ever heard is boys don’t cry. Why? Are they not allowed to shed tears?

As you laugh so you cry. There is nothing wrong in it. No need to run away from it.

I like to cry. I like tears. I feel it is one of the best creations of God. You laugh to express your happiness; you cry to exfoliate your sadness. It is a good thing to do. You feel a sudden lift of weight from your chest.

Get rid of the demon that eats you up inside. Cry. Don't hold back. Shed those tears. They are meant to leave your eyes, roll down your cheeks and see the world. By holding it back you are going to hurt yourself more.

Tears and smiles are the two wheels of a scooter. You need both to run your life and more importantly to run smooth you need the wheels of same size. So give some respect to tears as well. Cry whenever you feel like. Accept happiness and sadness with open hands.

I cry. I cry whenever I feel like. I have given my tears liberty. They roll down whenever they want to. Sometimes, as you cannot stop abruptly while laughing; I cannot do that while crying. But I can control it. It is a part of life and I give it no less value. I don’t feel ashamed of it. It is not my weakness.

It is an act that shows I am true; true with my feelings and I am not afraid to show them. 

I Like...

I like the smell of the tee you wear.

I like to roam in the house wearing that when you are asleep.

I like to make coffee for you in the morning.

I like how you sip it from the mug while one of your eyes is half-closed.

I like the way how you pull me back to bed when I try to wake you up.

I like the way you tease me when I dress up.

I like when we talk for hours in vain

I like when we walk miles together in rain.

I like it when you try your best to help me cook.

I like your love for your games, sports and books.

I like when  you do not ask me to stop while I cry.

I like the way you kiss and hug  when my mind is awry.

I like the long drives we go for in the weekends.

I like the late night candle light dinner dates.

I like the way you caress my hair.

I like the rugged torn levis you wear.

I like the way you listen to me with patience.

I like when you don’t run away from my craziness.

I like the space you give me and trust me so much. 

I like the fact that you like and need me very much. 

I like your beauty; it’s divine.

I like when you say that you are mine.

You look GREAT today!

It feels good when someone appreciates you. Isn’t it?

I know girls like to get appreciated. They might flick their eyes and  blush but I don’t. I am not a fan of compliments. I feel they carry pretence. If you are lucky, you are going to get an honest one

The reason I am blogging about this stupid thing is I felt good yesterday.

I was going to meet a friend after work. As soon as i get out of the platform i searched for him. I was in hurry rushing my way out of the crowd. There he was riding his scooter with ignition on. I reached. Jumped on the back seat and we left.

 “You look great today.” He said while whirling through the traffic.

It is said probably to make someone feel good, maybe. It was not for the first time; same person has said the same thing before! It never made any difference before but yesterday it did.  I rarely feel appreciated. I rarely feel good.

“What!”

“You look great today”

“Really!!!!" I was surprised.

I could not believe for a second what I heard. It was a long tiring day at office. And of course after office hours I don’t care to look presentable. So I stopped .I checked myself out. I was in a tired formal attire, messy hair after the stupid local train journey, faded Make up (don’t care), a stole and a ladies hand bag in a hand and coke in the other.

“Thanks.” I said.

I was not surprised for the fact that without trying to look good(which never matters) he said the four words. I was surprised because it FELT good.

May be he could read that I had tiring day at office and to make me feel better he said so. But whatever might be the reason, it made me smile.

                            Sometimes we forget to see the small happiness that come our way and complain about the problems we have in life. The never ending miseries of life, blinds us to enjoy moments we live in. So stop thinking about the thing that were not suppose to happen to you, for a while and try to perceive the joy of moments that you fail to realize.

MOST Precious Thing

Someone asked me ‘What is the most precious thing for you?’

It was an abrupt question from nowhere in the middle of a random conversation. I was blank for a couple of seconds. I was blank because I don’t know what to say. I did not have the answer. I never thought about it. A sudden pain in my head appeared as I started to search what is precious to me.

Is it my sister whom I love the most? Or my parents? Or the friends for whom I can die for? Or the people who treat me as their mentor and confide in me?

Wait a second! Why am I talking about people and relationship, there are tangible things that I love too. Like chocolates which makes me feel good when I am down like a perfect boyfriend one could ever imagine of. Or coffee, without which I cannot think of a single day. The letters I got filled with the dust of memories or the gifts that reminds me of the beautiful past I would die to trade for with my future. The diary of my high school where I bled my thoughts in the little poems I wrote. Or the scrapbook where my friends descried me how awesome I am to whom they never want to lose. Are these precious? Of course they are precious. These are the things I adore, something that makes me feel that I am worthy.

Listening to music, exploring the new world, meeting new people, singing, dancing, chatting, writing, reading, helping out others, doing things out of the box, pushing limits, making new friends, being vulnerable, trusting stranger- these are the things I do, I like, Are these precious? I mean the things I like to do should be precious, isn’t it? because it makes me happy.

The thoughts flooded in my head. I was confused which one not to consider. Then I narrowed it down priority wise. Of course the food makes me feel good but they can’t be precious as the relationship I share with someone. Yes, I value my family, I value my friends. And we all know human is a social animal. He can’t live alone. We crave for company, love and care. I want to love and to be loved. Then again I thought, what is the ‘most’ precious thing for me?

Is it LOVE???

No. Someone inside my head shouted- ‘NO’. I said why? It is something that everybody wants, I want. Then the voice of my head said why can’t you realize what is the MOST precious thing for you! There was a complete silence. I shrugged a little then my eyes got brighten, there was a smile on my face. Yes I found the answer. Answer to a simple question. It was “RESPECT”. Yes, you heard me right. I will prefer a person who respects me on the person who only loves me. Love might hurt but respect give you sense of existence. Yes I respect my family and friends. I respect people who I don’t know personally. And for me, knowing that a person respects me is the best thing I can ever expect from anybody.

  

Ps- The person who asked would not have a slightest idea that his question would bring a tornado of thoughts to me. 

Who does not love Sundays!

Who does not love Sundays!

You don’t have to wake up early, brush as soon as you get down from bed. In fact you don’t have to get down from your bed after you wake up. You can lie there for hours. No bras, no pajamas even (when you are alone )

This Sunday I was alone in room lying carelessly on my bed which was covered with Laptop, mobile, ipod, novel , earphones, dongle, specs, teddy, cushions, pillows, and a little space for me to lie! The floor was a mess with the wires of the extension cord and laptop charger. In the corner adjacent to the cord was the electric kettle I keep to make my coffee and Maggie, a teapoy aside my bed full of wafers, browinies,  chocolates, a pack of cigarette, lighter, muffins and of course coffee.

I was hung up upon the series ‘Breaking Bad’. I was in the last season and really wanted to know what happens to Walter cause I believe in Karma. And let me not start with Jessie or else I can go pages over pages writing about him. In short, I love him- both the actor and the character!

He was added in my list after Sherlock, Dexter and Patrick. I have mentioned the name of the characters and not their real name because I adore the character in the story and not the actor in person.

It wasn’t like I watched series the whole day. I was sleeping, waking up, having coffee, watching series , having Maggie then sleeping, waking up puffing cig, music on my earphones, having coffee, browsing internet, blogging, reading novel and the cycle repeats not in the same sequence of course! In short the whole day I did stuffs I like! My phone was a meter away, I did not logged in my facebook account, did not chat or talk to anyone-just once or twice though; of course being an Indian girl there would not be a day not speaking to your parents!

So munching on my muffins n brownies, sipping my coffee, puffing smoke, reading, writing, listening to music so loud like a thunder I reached a sense of equilibrium. It was like my room was sent to the empty universe far away. My room was in the in the black space all alone surrounded by distant stars. No noise, no pollution, not a single being to annoy. And inside I was there carefree doing things I like without getting disturbed by the world! 

I was living in a place where ONLY I exist.

It was an awesome day! Who does not love Sunday ;)