Things in detail

I love walking. It gives me pleasure of freedom;  Freedom in a different way. I feel like I can go anywhere I want, watching every detail I find on my way. Yes, I like to go in details. I feel that makes life worthwhile.

The morning air, rising sun, crimson rays, chirping birds, lazy dogs, busy traffic, people waiting at the bus stops, people walking, people running, riks crowding the road, honking of horn; oh I might write a whole page of what i see when i walk to station.

Then there comes the local train platform. Breakfast shops, juice corner, newspaper stalls, cutting chai-s, and the most important the crowdy platform. Seems the whole platform is moving. Announcement of trains. Sound of the wheels.

Then there comes the office. Various sounds like turning pages of file, phone ringing, pens scratching, bell rings for the peons, opening and shutting of door; and everything is done so carefully to maintain silence.
At the lunch time you can find people talking more and eating less because maintaining silence since morning was a big deal. There you can find smiling faces which were idle and serious in the office hours.

Then after work you are free to enjoy the world again. You can find faces busy outside but smiling inside cause they are returning home after a long tiring day. Some with tension may be at work. Some rush to the public transport, some have snack.

Again the busy roads, sound and noise pollution, dark outside, street lights burning, traffic lights governing and people 'always' in a hurry. Now I come to my room, my paradise where I do things what I like.

But this world surprises me always. There is something or the other to discover. I love looking into details and reading the nature.

Mistakes

Mistakes are the part of life.

Everyone does it. It happens.

People have sufficient time to find not the mistakes done by themselves but the ones made by others. They point out your mistakes in every possible way to make you feel miserable. They find a unique pleasure to prove themselves superior in any mere aspect.

Instead of peaking into others life, first introspect. Find ways to improve.

It’s not bad to point out mistakes. You find fault in a person then make him aware of it and find a way how to avoid it. Just don’t be a douche bag and point out finger because you ‘think’ you are smarter!

I know every one’s life is full of these ‘kinda’ people. Just stay away from them. And if you can’t then don’t let their words affect you. A free suggestion: IGNORE these people. I swear they have also been through misery still they find pleasure in torturing others.

They seem to have a lot of time to find faults in others.

I have a small life. In fact we all have a very short span of time to enjoy this beautiful gift: LIFE, I believe. There are a lot of things to do. I don’t understand how people find time to waste? How they stay idle for a single minute or say- “I am bored”. I seldom stay idle. There are a lot of things to do, places to visit, books to read, knowledge to gain. The whole world out there is so vast that one life isn’t enough to know about it.

This is what I feel.

"Want-'a'-Boyfriend"

“Enough! I also want to get committed”, Lisa said seeing a couple walking hand in hand in the railway platform. Roma, Lisa and I planned to visit elephant caves and Lisa and I were waiting for Roma in the platform. I was surprised for the sudden outburst because Lisa was a kind of girl who runs away from commitment. She was not like this before but after three heart breaks someone inside her was afraid to trust in guys.

“But you never wanted that!” I said closing the book I was reading.

“Well you know, I am really afraid to get into one because I cannot handle another break up. Why is it like I always fall in love for the person who turns out an asshole later?  I am tired of loving others. Now I want someone to love me. Buy me flowers, take me out for dates, spend time with me, care for me, confide in me, respect me and for god sake do these things without restriction”, she said in a single breath.

This was not new. She gets this "want-a-boyfriend" attack once in a while. I did not speak a word. I kept the book in my bag because I knew she was going to continue.

“Say something”, she stared at me with a curved eyebrow.

“What should I say? It’s not that you do not get guys hitting on you. But you are too afraid to go out with them.”

“Come on, You also know, they are hitting on me just to have sex. I don’t understand why men want only that!” She sighed.

“Don’t you want that”, I winked.

She burst into a laugh. She knew I was playing around.

“I want him to be romantic. That’s it. I am tired of being a grown up. I want to live in the teenage dream again”

“Okay”

“Mmm and about that, I want to make love and not sex”

I had no idea what she was talking about. A strange relief came when I saw Roma coming. At least I would not be alone to handle her craziness.

I took a step forward and waved to Roma.

“Hey guys, I am so sorry, since when are you waiting for me”? said Roma hugging the two of us.

“That’s ok, we were not bored, Lisa is again in the trance of "want-a-boyfriend” I said nudging Lisa on the shoulder.

We three laughed.

“Okay, we gonna get a handsome romantic guy for you, mumbai is full of them, Don’t worry sweetheart. Look, as the three of us are single, we are able to hang out. Or else who knows you would not get time for us and be “romantic” with him the whole day and night of course.” Roma said teasing Lisha.

“Now come on, Let us not get late further”, I said reading the time of the digital board.

It was one minute left  for the arrival of the train-CH.

I was happy to have friends as crazy as me. We understood each other and take a good care when any of the three fall under this kind of stupid trance.

Strangers

I know it would sound crazy but I like telling secrets to strangers. I like talking to them sharing every bit of my life. Because I know they would not judge me; how could they, they don’t even know me! Just a name for both of us is enough. I can go hours and hours talking, chatting, sharing!

Hence it is better to open up with someone you don't know. Either you become friends or the person just leaves. In both the cases you have nothing to lose. If you become good friends then you get someone who is accepting you with all the flaws you got. You again don't have to pretend to them or impress them in order to continue the friendship. I know you would think no one tries to impress their friends. But believe me, you do. There are a lot of things you don't disclose because you know the friend might not accept that the very fact about you and it might lead to weaken your so called 'friendship' and at last you just hide.

I am vulnerable. But strong enough not to allow anyone enter my weak zone. Yes I have been hurt. I have been hurt enough to deal with life. Enough to understand how people carry pretense. I know I can trust nobody; nobody I know. Cause they are going to mock at my secrets and fear my deepest dark side. I don't want to lose them. But strangers are people like you. At least you have option to pick from many. This world is full of them.

I love to love strangers. And happy to be friends with them.

The What-ifs of LIFE

College Diaries:
From a Journal of a Teenager #2

I know a guy with whom I have been friends with. And I really want to be more than friends. I like him. We can go hours talking. We share same taste in music and food. We both have been heart-broken. We both have moved on.

I know he also wants that.  But we both are afraid to confess because of the many what-ifs; what if our assumption is wrong! What if the other person denies! And the worst case- what if he does not feel the same way I do.

We suppressed our feelings because we might get hurt. But I want to confess. I want to say him that after a long time I finally found someone who thinks the same way I do. I feel alive with him. I like talking to him. I like listening to him more. I like the way he speaks so softly and slowly. I like the way he smiles. I want to be with him, at least meet him once. Go for a date. Talk about us, neither past nor future.

I want to show how stupid and crazy I am. I want to know how he would deal with my idiosyncrasies. I want him to confide in me. I love him and want him to love me more.

But I am afraid; afraid of rejection. Any one of us has to be brave to tell first.

 I hope I can. I wish he does.

Cya diary!

Everybody is so afraid to get hurt.It is like pain is ruling us. We fear it. 

Life is small and beautiful. Don’t let the what-ifs come in your way. There are millions of people out there. Why to get afraid of getting hurt from one? It might also be possible that your assumptions are true and the life would take a turn to a beautiful road. 

You never know. Take chances. Live the ‘only’ life you got in ‘your’ way. Don’t let any person or emotions govern you.